The news might well have been arriving on one of those old-fashioned teletype machines, as you tear off a strip and read: Oregon governor abolishes reading, writing and arithmetic for high school certificates.
The machine pauses, then bursts into life again. She also orders that all pupils and staff of every single school in the state must wear masks at all times, inside and out.
Are you serious?
I am. Oregon has declared literacy to be racist. Toddlers aged two must wear face masks. Oh yes, and the governor wants to be known as Governor Kate.
The machine pauses to puke, before bursting into life again.
Jacinda Arden, the New Zealand Prime Minister has ordered that the islands be isolated from the entire world for the rest of the year.
WHAT? Why?
Covid: the Wuhflu. And the country has been hit by midwinter power outages because of her energy policy dependent on renewables, which turn out not to be remotely renewable.
The teletype machine goes silent, before hesitantly hammering out the next bulletin.
The Australian capital Canberra is in total lockdown, with troops on the streets, because of the discovery of a single case of Wuhflu.
Just one?
The tape machine nods its head in shame.
Yes, just one. The capital of the people who gave the first half of the word Anzac, whose fast bowlers used to eat twenty-foot alligators live, who exiled cissies into the pansy-world of rugby union, where their only available bed-partners were great white sharks of either sex, it being impossible to tell one from the other until it was far too late and then they’d have to throw the dead fish out of the bed and order another Fosters, where their women used giant cactuses as vibrators and box-jellyfish as eye-poultices and devoured deep-fried koala for breakfast, is now in total shutdown because of a single dose of Wuhflu.
Can it get much worse?
Oh by fuck it can, it whispers, and starts churning out fresh news.
Dateline England. Author Philip Pullman is denounced by the Society of Authors of which he is chairman, for defending fellow Author, Kate Clanchy against allegations that she used ‘racial tropes’, whatever the fuck they are, but far too late because she had already apologised and thanked her critics for denouncing her, just as in the Soviet Union.
Anything else?
The teleprinter draws a deep breath.
Islamic state is growing in strength across Africa and the Near East. Nigeria, Mozambique, the Congo, Tanzania, Chad, Niger, the Ivory Coast and Senegal are struggling g to cope with Islamist insurgencies. Syria is still afloat, kept that way by Russia, but for how long? Iraq is a wasteland.
So Russia’s on our side?
No. It shot down a Malaysian airliner with hundreds of people aboard and President Obama did diddly squat about it. Russia meanwhile continues to create a Europe-wide dependency on its energy thanks to the impetuous lunacy of Germany’s Chancellor Merkel. She unilaterally decided to abandon nuclear power for all time because of the Japanese tsunami. Germany has never had a tsunami. So she’s turned to the only other energy source available – namely gas from Russia, which is meanwhile fighting a ferocious proxy war against Ukraine.
Has Russia any allies?
Yes. Turkey and China.
China? WTF is China up to?
Its’s threatening everyone in the region: Japan, Taiwan, the Philippines, the USA , Australia. The British have sent out an aircraft carrier to contain it.
An aircraft carrier?
Just the one. It can reach the South China Sea before it runs out of fuel. It has some American aircraft aboard, but with a very short range. We’re not sure the British pilots can even fly them.
And Turkey?
It’s hoping to recreate the Ottoman caliphate across the various -khans of the former Soviet Union, meanwhile establishing an Islamic state within Turkey. It is building up good relations with Russ….hold on one second. News flash! Scrap the front page! Twenty years after the terrorist Taliban government in Afghanistan helped bring down the twin towers of New York and were then overthrown by NATO, Taliban fighters have just taken another provincial capital! This is just days after President Biden announced he was fast-forwarding US withdrawal from the country, thereby precipitating a Taliban surge. Captured Afghan government soldiers are being beheaded by the score. Just Kabul and one provincial capital remain untaken and have maybe a month before they too fall. The entire western strategy in the region is in tatters. Prepare for rooftop exits from Kabul, just like Saigon 1975.
Is that all?
No. Islamic forces are dominant across much of Africa, Eurasia and the Middle East. Muslim states are turning a blind eye to the Chinese treatment of its own Muslim minority, involving the imprisonment without trial of hundreds of thousands of people, simply because they prefer China to the West.
Why is that?
Because the Chinese and Muslims have self-belief. They are prepared to fight and die for their ideals and their systems, whereas the west despises itself. It invented the modern world yet now blames itself for having done so, even as the Chinese and Russians dance rings around them. It was the west that invented the concept of personal freedom and accountable governance. It was the west that outlawed slavery across the world, as the Royal Navy violently stamped out the Atlantic slave-trade. It was the west that laid the railways of Africa and the Far East. It was the west that built whatever universities Africa has, which African countries are now demolishing, just as South Africa has virtually dismantled its railway system and turned its universities into adolescents’ playgrounds for the spoilt and ineducable children of ANC officials.
There must be some good news, surely?
What? Biden has opened America’s borders to all-comers, and the US Army and Air Force is distributing hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants across the USA, with millions more on their way from around the world. Merkel’s Germany has accepted two million Muslim immigrants, and under European law, they may then bring in family members, who may bring in their family members, who may bring in their family members, and so on, ad infinitum.
Is there any hope?
Ha! You’ve been asking for this outcome for over fifty years. You don’t deserve to survive. You’ve neglected the cardinal rule of human existence: 2.1 children for every fertile woman in society. Instead, you’ve created a femino-nihilists’ paradise in which women choose careers rather than have babies. And they’re clearly enjoying the former far more than the latter because everywhere, birth-rates have fallen off a cliff. You don’t need to be a demographer or a professor of exponential mathematics to work out that two more generations of population decline will precipitate an economic and social collapse across the peoples of Europe and the USA. The exceptions will be amongst the immigrant groups that no longer arrive in the expectation that they will be assimilated by their host culture, of which they would then become proponents and ambassadors, as the Jews once were. Instead, the new immigrants will proudly and probably homicidally remain Syrian, Iraqi, Pakistani, Honduran, Salvadorean, Congolese and so on.
Like a patchwork quilt?
Not remotely like a patchwork quilt, but a transcontinental Bosnia, a vast multifactional multiracial multilingual Northern Ireland without even the common bond of language or race or Christianity, yes even of the barbarous and depraved variety that is still practised in that unfortunate island. I’m not talking about the Balkanisation of Europe and North America, but the Congofication of almost all the Caucasian Christian world. And it is quite defenceless, because it is brawling like sugar-charged children in a nursery, not about important existential matters such as motherhood being the inescapable biological obligation of women, but about nonsensical racial issues and the utter fictions of transgenderism.
Aren’t black people victims of white supremacism and aren’t transgenders victims of cisgender heterodoxic tyranny?
PC prating cant.
Firstly, there’s no such thing as white supremacism, apart from inside a few shacks in Thickstown, Mississippi. Black people are not victims but beneficiaries of Caucasian Christian civilisation, which is why so many millions want to come to Europe and North America.
Secondly, you can change sex just as easily as you can become a bumble bee, beginning middle and end of it. A tiny minority of people are born with ambiguous outer genitalia, and a fraction of a fraction are born with some chromosomal uncertainty. However, a small minority of human beings are cursed with a powerful psychological aspiration to belong to the opposite sex. There’ve always been such people, but never before in the history of the human race has such a tiny minority been encouraged to believe its members are a separate “identity”, acquiring fascist powers to proselytise, to corrupt science, to destroy careers, to silence dissenters, to crush free speech in universities and to turn publishing houses into incestuous dens of moronic zombies babbling hysterical transgender gibberish at one another, meanwhile demanding all their writers submit unconditionally to their dogmas.
Are you finished?
No. You are.